At this time, just say hello
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In 2018, I started investing on the stock market.
Quite apart from the overriding practical consideration of saving for my old age when I probably won’t be able to rely on the state to provide for me, in terms of female empowerment, there isn’t much that tops managing your own money and making it work for you.
I wish I’d done this earlier
Over the past 6 years, I’ve built up a nice little portfolio. I’ve had some wins and some losses. I’ve had good and bad luck. I’ve learned how to develop a strategy in line with my personal investment goals and how you should never, ever to try and play the market – because you will always lose. The trick is to think long term and not get unnerved by short term corrections and turbulence.
Overall, I’ve made myself a tidy sum. I’m just sorry that I didn’t start investing 5 years earlier: this racket is so much fun!
Well, I can’t undo that now, but if anyone reading this is wondering if and how to start investing their money, I say: start now! As much as we’d like to think otherwise, time really is money and all the new online trading platforms have made it easier than ever to put your money to work and grow your wealth.
Relationships are investments too
Several years after I started investing, I hit the big 4-0. That triggered all kinds of thoughts and feelings – and lead me to set up this blog.
Among other things, I realised that I simply didn’t have as much energy as I did in my younger years. And that, from now on, I only wanted to expend it on things that mean something to me and are rewarding.
I would also be applying this more discerning approach to my relationships. I had a few that weren’t working, where I was doing all the work for little or no return, or which – in the worst-case scenario – were serially draining me and making me feel bad.
Why wasn’t I pruning these dud relationships back like I did with badly performing shares? In the same way that it makes zero sense to keep your money in a stock which doesn’t give you any returns or permanently runs at a loss, why keep on pouring your energy into relationships where the efforts you put in aren’t being reciprocated or bringing some reward or benefit?
At the end of the day, relationships are investments too – not of money, but of your time, energy and emotion, which are also valuable commodities. No relationship comes with a cast-iron obligation to continue; you can always step away and pull that investment if you want.
A liberation
It seemed like a no-brainer to be a bit more ruthless when it came to the people I spent my time with. Not to mention the liberation of giving myself licence to admit that there were some people I couldn’t be arsed with anymore.
And, once I started looking at my relationships through the prism of actual investments, all kinds of similarities to my actual stock portfolio started to emerge.
There are the slow-burns who started out without any expectations but grew continually to become a reliable fixture in my life. When I look back at our history and the steady upwards trajectory, I can’t believe what’s come together.
There are the ones who have taken me on so many ups and downs that I honestly start to wonder whether I want to deal with this rollercoaster anymore — but the net effect is still positive, so I carry on with the fun and the chaos.
There are the shooting stars who instantly impressed me and lit up my life. They might settle into a nice, long-term glow or completely crash and disappear. Who knows.
Then there are the ones who never quite lived up to their initial promise and, after a brief exciting hype, flatlined. I think of these as the Etsys of my relationship portfolio: they never seem to go anywhere, but I keep on with them anyway because, I don’t know, I just like the cut of their jib. (Note: I did actually sell my Etsy shares in the end, sigh.)
Christmas and the grand festive “f*ck it”
I’d got so used to thinking about relationships in these transactional terms that when I got around to my annual Christmas messaging spree, I automatically locked into thoughts of “Who’s been naughty, who’s been nice?” while going through my WhatsApp and Messenger contact lists to select recipients. Who was still worth making an effort for today?
I was certain that if I didn’t make the first step today, 70% of those people wouldn’t get in touch with me. Goddammit – why should I always be the one who does the work? Leave them be and let it all drift.
Then, standing in the kitchen, I realised how mean-spirited this was. Shouldn’t Christmas be a day when past regrets and resentments don’t matter? When you forgive, forget, say a big, festive “f*ck it” and put in the effort without thinking about the possible return – because you can – and it might make the recipients happy, however briefly?
I just called to say…Merry Christmas
In that spirit, I stood there (still in the kitchen) and messaged all the people I thought I could without coming over as irrevocably odd. Mostly, just a brief WhatsApp “Merry Christmas” with some festive emojis. The thought mattered more than the form or coming up with any kind of sparkling wit or repartee.
Soon enough, most replied. Happy to hear from me, in the festive mood. With the ones who didn’t – oh well, try not to read too much into it. Maybe they’re busy, maybe they’ve done the sensible thing and put their phones away over the Christmas period. Maybe they are having some kind of difficulty – or don’t want to hear from me.
No matter. I don’t feel bad or short-changed in any way for being generous with my thoughts and communications this Christmas.
Relationship decisions can wait for another day.
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Related articles:
A list of my life failures – in no particular order
Feel-good films to lift you out of the doldrums
Poetry and the importance of memory
2023’s lesson: to move on, go back to where it all began
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Photo by Jamie Street on Unsplash